FOOD, GAS, LODGING NEXT RIGHT
for Kessler
I remember that time me and Marcel got stuck on this onramp by Visalia and Marcel went into the bushes to take a shit and came out with a warm sixer of Coors and a half a bag of Cheetos. “What the fuck Marcel did you shit that out?”Hell yeah. And if you’re real nice I’m gonna crap some teenage pussy later.” About halfway through the second can I had this fucked up visual of tight pink little teenaged pussies coming out of Marcel’s hairy ass. Not attached to girls or anything just pussies sliding out and lying there in the dirt all slimy and steamy and shit. The warm Coors was already disgusting enough but when I started laughing it shot out of my nose and I just started puking. I didn’t beat off for like a week after that and I still can’tlook at young girls the same all this time later. Fuckin Marcel.
This onramp’s kinda like that one. Same slope, same bushes. I wonder if there’s a six pack in there. Fuckin Marcel. He got arrested for resisting arrest and when they got him in the holding tank he slipped on a bar of soap and hung himself. His sister used to come around after that and whenever she did we’d all pitch in and do what we could – you know – smack her around and call her names but it just wasn’t the same without Marcel and she ended up getting a job at the museum which was kind of cool for her. You know, she had to wear black dickeys and a black golf shirt and just stand there while people looked at art. I guess she really dug it. I think she’s still there.
Something about this onramp made me think of Marcel. Coulda been that bird just flew by or maybe the writing on the back of this sign. Dude check it out. Says “I grew my first beard here” That’s some funny shit, man I’m hip. Maybe it’s that tore back old Denny’s over there. Didn’t that used to be a Sambo’s? Coulda sworn that was a Sambo’s. Do they even have those any more? Wow dude that’s kind of messed up. What if you’re working there and you’re black. Think about it. Every day you go to work and you look up and it says, you know, Sambo’s. That’s fucked up, dude. I knew a place back in the day outside of Lubbock called Big Nigger’s Barbecue. They had some good shit there too. Of course it was owned by a big nigger named George. Named it himself. Best fuckin cornbread I ever had. No shit.
Where you goin, dude? By the look of that pack you could go just about anywhere. What are you some kind of a hippie? That’s cool. My uncle Phil was a hippie. Lived in a commune in Santa Paula. They just took over this big farm house nobody was living in. You could do shit like that back then. Nobody cared cause wasn’t nobody around. They’d go into town every few days and buy stuff, you know, the local store owners dug ‘em The sheriff used to get all his weed from them. They had the best weed, too. He used to joke about it. “I’d bust ‘em but then I’d have to grow the shit myself. Fuck that!” Sheriff John, man. He was fuckin cool. Got shot stealin’ goats out around Somis. Fuckin Sheriff John. Kind of a trippy dude. My uncle Phil was a trip too, Wore these striped overalls with no shirt and stank like a motherfucker. Used to always ask me if I was there, you know, like “Are you here now?” Just fuckin weird shit like that. He’d get all in my face with his pointy beard and his one shaved eyebrow and say “Are you here now?” Kinda freaked me out when I was a kid but you know, he was harmless. Never could figure him out til I started dropping
acid. Then he made perfect sense you know what I mean? Hey can I bum a
smoke? Wow. Camel squares. Fuck yeah, bro. Hey you’re all right. You look like akid I used to know in Oxnard down on Silver Strand. Kenny Cousino. Yeah you look just like him. That Kenny was crazy man. I remember one time his dog got in a fight and got his head tore open and Kenny just went and got his mom’s sewing kit and sewed it back up with a needle and thread. There was a swimming pool in his backyard and one summer Kenny went fishing every day for like a week and brought home live fish, you know, bass and bluegills and he stocked his parent’s pool with ‘em. That was gnarly, dude. Fucking gnarly. We’d tell our parents we were going fishing and we’d sit around Kenny’s pool shooting crank and doing bong hits and fishing. And you could watch the fish follow your lure. It was like going to fucking Marineland or some shit like that except you didn’t have to drive to San Diego and it didn’t cost nothin and you could get high. It was really, you know, paradise. Then Kenny’s dad got home from his business trip and just fucking lost it. Like lost it. He beat the living shit out of him and made him clean the pool which really wasn’t thatdirty and he made him cook and eat all the fish too. Man that was some funny shit
dude.
I know I’ve been here before. This is just weird. Seems like there was a-hey can I get another smoke?-thanks, dude. You may be a hippie but you’re alright. Seems like there was a big rainstorm coming that day. The day I was here with Marcel. or was it Jake. Yeah I think it was Jake and me on a drug run to Fontana and we got stuck on this onramp and Jake was tweakin so hard he kept looking in the laces of his boots. He was sure he dropped some rocks in there and he kept takin off his boots and pulling the laces out and looking for you know, rocks. That poor fucker. Every now and then he’d find what he thought was a chunk and he’d try to smoke it but it’d always turn out to be you know, a rock. Not a rock but a rock. Poor fucker. Yeah I remember now. Jake was freakin out cause some business man type pulled over in a Lincoln and thought we were like chickens or something. Like he was a chicken hawk and he was lookin for chickens which is pretty lame cause like look at us I mean look at me do I look like a chicken? Like I’ve got fucking rent boy tattooed
across my face or something? Like that musta been one lonely fucking business man to try to get a date with the likes of us. He pulls the car over and Jake opens the door and he starts to ask us if we like to party and he gets a look at Jake or more likely he gets a whiff of Jake and he just fucking punches it and damned near broke Jake’s arm getting out of there.
And Jake just snapped or something. I think he was so hurtin he was totally ready to get in the car with that freak like Jake woulda done just about anything or anyone at that point he was just cringing so hard. Jake just snapped. He ran over to the bridge right there, to the overpass like he was gonna jump and I ran after him and when he climbed the fence there I climbed it too. I was yelling at him Jake fuck dude get down dude you’re gonna fall and he was like I aint gonna fall I’m gonna jump fuck this and fuck you and he started to go over the edge and I was standing on the edge of the fence and he started to go over and I kinda lunged out to grab him and then I- Oh wow. That’s fucked up dude.